Darkness does not care about your race, sexuality or gender.
It doesn’t care about your beauty, nor does it care about your wealth.
It starts with effecting your exterior.
The ultimate goal is to not let it capture heart and soul.
What keeps you on fire? What truly keeps you out of darkness?
How do you survive?
It began as a feeling that started in my legs and crept its way up my spine.
It reached my head; and to every strand on my head.
It made a home inside.
I looked around the room, and it began to look brighter.
It was the dead middle of winter, but I saw summer.
I felt a lump arise in my throat.
I couldn’t even murmur a simple sound.
My fingers tingled, and I just watched the subtle tremble.
I looked around the room at everyone wondering if they ever had the privilege to experience this.
My heart began to compete with every breath I took; three per heartbeat.
I took a walk thinking I could shake the feeling.
I blamed it on jitters.
I felt tears in my eyes but nothing weighed down on my heart.
I thought back to last October and how I sat after midnight and begged for mercy.
And Every breath I take… are all apart of my greatest miracle.
I learned to move with knowledge and not temporary emotions.
I accepted blessings that are still being given to me.
I fashioned myself with the helmet of salvation
It was only when I realized that I held myself back, that I understood how important it was to enter Daybreak…
A Daybreak so unapologetically, miraculously, and fearlessly clear.
I sat down and thought today about what truly makes me happy. I thought about what set my soul on fire and how I could share that with everyone I came into contact with. I also equally began to think that it’s not about what sets my soul on fire, but why? I picked up my bible and read Mathew 5:14 “You are the light of the world–like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden.”
It brought me to the realization that internal joy isn’t just happiness, it’s a permanent feeling of peace. Having internal sunshine brings you a certain type of calmness so even when you feel like everything around you is falling apart, you still have joy on the inside.
I also thought about the things that I want for my personal life. I thought about my mental state; what I truly wanted out of my life and I could only really think of internal emotions. Internal joy. Internal sunshine.
As a follower of Christ and still imperfect in many ways, I believe its important to understand how God speaks to you- because he can do this in many ways. I’ve come to realize that God speaks to me, personally through his word. There are a couple of things I’ve come to understand.
One light in a darkened room can make a difference. When there is light you find clarity, understanding and you dispel darkness. You cannot have darkness where there is light. “let your light so shine”. It’s okay to not “fit in” because you chose to carry the light of Jesus in you.
When you have light, you walk with confidence and assurance knowing that you have the best player on your team! As you anticipate what is ahead of you, understand who is with you now, and always.
There’s something about the love of Jesus that will make you want to do things for others without needing credibility. “In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” -Mathew 5:16.
Keeping your light on is a daily process. I believe you have to constantly pray for it and transform your mind every single day. Trust God and the process to be made better for you present, future and to be made better for your loved ones.
As I sit in a silent room alone, I began to think back to the person I was just 6 months ago. I’d just finished college, and I turned 21. My life had just began to start, and I was so utterly confused- yet excited. I celebrated- I partied and had the best nights of my life. I worked and developed saving tactics that made it easy for me to afford the things that I needed. Outsiders would think that I had it all. So did I.
It wasn’t until today as I sat in on my break that I began to into an introspective state. This isn’t something that took me by surprise, because I tend to analyze myself very often. Today, however I was very very surprised with myself and the way that I viewed myself was a little different that any other day.
Lately, I’ve become very in touch with my spiritual side. Throughout my life, I’ve always been raised in church but recently, my connections have been deeper, personal and more sincere. It wasn’t until my great-grandmother passed that I experience genuine faith. Putting your complete trust into someone whom you cannot see may sound very strange to the average person, but not to me.
I introspect to make sure that I’m focused on my mental health-and that I am being the best person that I can. I am extremely amazed and I feel very over-whelmed with the great things place in front of me. First off, I want to thank you for spending time out of your day and out of your life your life to understand the words of my heart.
I have became a leader, mentor a guide, a better friend, a harder worker and a spiritual being. I absolutely love myself. I have no one to credit but God. I’ve asked him to take me in as his vessel and allow me to carry a light. I plan to continue to grow- but it’s always good to look back and admire how far you’ve come in life. I know I’m not a finished project ( and quite frankly- I never will be) but I’m enjoying my journey and headed towards my destination.
I feel genuine happiness in my heart; joy. I feel emotions that as a teenager were dormant. I am growing into a young lady, a godly woman and an example to the younger generation. Thank you so much for being a silent listening ear. This is so sappy (I know-lol) but I really had to get this off of my chest 🙂 Thank you for walking along this journey called “life” with me.
I’d like to talk about a subject that many people pretend is non-existent. We live in a society where people don’t want to suffer. But when you understand the journey, you understand that in order for you to get to the “prize”, you have to go down Suffer Street. We have to understand that our journey is not the final destination. In order to get to our blessing on the other side, we have to travel down this street.