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I’m constantly beating the odds.

Using God’s support as a whip and success as my mule.

I’m whipping my mule, guiding it exactly where I want it to go.

IM IN-CHARGE OF MY DESTINY.

Take your biggest fear and challenge yourself to overcome them. Run them out of your heart. Overcome and create your testimony. My biggest fears in life are of heights, and animals. This year, I ran with (not from-lol) a Pit Bull. I should plan to visit a animal shelter and face real wild animals head-on. This, would be my ultimate challenge. I am also very fearful of heights. I’ve visited the Chicago Sky Deck this year and stood 103 ft over downtown Chicago. The view was beautiful. I was the kind of person who said I would never go sky diving. Everyday, I think of doing it more and more.

There are so many things I plan to do, so many things I plan to see. Having a bucket-list is the ultimate organizational method to make sure that I do every single thing I want to do. We all can.

I am afraid of neglect. As much as I’ve faced it, you’d think I’m immune to it. No one likes to feel unwanted. I’ve felt it from my father and mother during my adolescent year (my most vulnerable). I’ve also felt it from guys in my past. Almost everything I truly care about has been taken away from me at one point. The only benefit is that you learn to appreciate the small things more. You also learn how to encourage yourself.

The day I “became a woman” was the day I entered depression. I fought to never admit this due to another on of my fears- vulnerability. However, I now truly believe talking about not-so-great situations to actually be more therapeutic than harmful. My experiences allow me to combat a fear.

 I always thought, “If a woman says ‘yes’ while under the influence of alcohol, is that really a ‘yes’?” Hm.. Let me know what you think? If I were sober, the night would’ve ended a lot different. The day I lost my virginity, the guy disappeared. Since that night, we have never spoken in person. He didn’t hear the “no”. My soul has been silent..

I found peace. I was depressed, and unhappy. I had to heal my own heart. I became my own therapist. I worked out like no tomorrow. Praying that cardio would sweat out my emotions. I tried to make myself  better; numb to the pain. In reality, all I needed was time. Today, I am okay and actually better than ever, I feel free. Life has a funny way of showing you how to find strength. Tough times can be compared to “survival of the fittest.” Emotional strength is more important than physical strength.

Was I used, consumed or just playing dumb?

I was used. I was used to stroke a man’s ego. I was used to make someone feel better. I was used because my heart was naive. Because I would never intentionally hurt an innocent person, I expected the same treatment. I thought everyone shared the same heart.

I was consumed. I was chewed up like a piece of gum. Once the flavor began to fade, I was tossed to the sidewalk… and then stepped on.

I wasn’t listening to my conscience. There were moments when I asked God for guidance and when I listened, the best outcomes came. Other times, I would ignore ‘red flags’ I was in desperate need of someone’s attention- to feel special.

Thank God there is Good in goodbye.

Goodbye to the young girl who was afraid to once talk to guys because she was too shy. Goodbye to the young girl who people would think was a lesbian because she chose not to date in high school. Goodbye to the girl who felt she had something to prove to others. Good bye to the girl who fought heartbreak by dating. Goodbye to the small, naive and fearful girl who would accept a lie over true love.

Hello to DaiJona. The lady who is building herself up. Who is stronger than ever. Who doesn’t need a man to validate her worth. Who’s mending her relationship with her father. Who is fearless. Who speaks her mind. Who always aims to be the best. Who is someone and a damn special someone. She is growing. Letting go of the past and walking in to a new chapter, new light and new world. Becoming a woman and redefining my character has made me unstoppable. In the end, if your pencil becomes dull to the coldness of th world, you still have power to resharpen and create.

Be great. Be fearless. Overcome.

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